


Sounds of War

by BurningFairytales



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: (It's been decades after all), (kind of), Angst, Battle of Five Armies, Book Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, Introspection, M/M, Movie Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 12:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3327020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningFairytales/pseuds/BurningFairytales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's out of time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sounds of War

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I have no idea where this came from. I was watching youtube videos and one had this voice-over of Thorin calling out "Bilbo!" and I realised that this was the first time he called him that, and asdfghjkl.  
> I don't know what my emotions are doing.  
> The rating is done very liberally, because I've no idea how the system works. Plus, I'm paranoid like that.

The noise of war drowns out everything but the rush of blood in his ears; it’s a mess of sounds around him: swords clashing, arrows slicing the air just before they hit their target, people screaming, and - yes. So, _so_ much screaming.

(Enemies and allies and friends. Their screams merging into one in his head; there is no difference anymore.)

Perhaps it’s that he thought it would be quiet up here, but it’s not, he hears _everything,_ and it’s terrifying in its own right.

There’s a tickle in the back of his mind that tells him it shouldn’t be. He’s been to war before, he’s seen what it does.

But this is different.

This is different, because it’s his family, and it is **his fault** , and he realises belatedly that war is not something you ever get used to.

And then, amidst all the noise, all the _chaos_ , he hears—

"Thorin!"

— a sound he’d never expected to hear again. 

It rings through the cacophony of war, clear as if the world was quiet around him, and he spins around, expecting… _something_ , something like an illusion or madness, or deceit.

But he’s real. Bilbo is standing there, right in front of him, and he can neither stop nor deny the relief that floods through him, and he gasps out: _"Bilbo!"_ before he’s even realised he’s said it aloud.

Not _Master Baggins_. Not _Halfling_ , and not _Burglar_. 

Bilbo.

It’s the first time he’s called him that.

And then the guilt sets in, and it feels as much like a physical blow as any of the ones he’s received up until that moment.

Thorin remembers being angry, no, _furious,_ and he remembers the feeling of Bilbo’s throat between his hands, and squeezing, tightly, thinking of nothing but to destroy.

Still, he remembers.

Still.

He’d like to pretend otherwise. He’d like to pretend that he can’t recall much of what he did when the madness claimed him, but that would be a lie.

The truth of the matter is that he doesn’t have to try very hard to remember just how close he came to ending Bilbo's life. How much he _wanted_ it.Thinking of it now makes him sick, and knowing that his hobbit isn't safe even now evokes a sense of despair that he has not felt for a long time.

Because Bilbo came back. Despite the battle and noise, the blood and death, Bilbo still came to warn them. 

Thorin realises, with a heavy heart, that he probably never left.

Loyalty. Honour. A willing heart.

He’d once claimed he could ask for no more than that, but he had, oh Mahal, he _had_. And that’s what makes him the fool, isn’t it? Because who needs gold, when you have all that, but he’d been to blind to see, and now.

Now it’s too late, because all the love he feels for his friend is tinged with regret, and he can’t change that; can’t take back what he has done, and he can’t make up for it now, because there is a war to be fought - a war of his making. 

They’re out of time, and perhaps that is the biggest regret of them all.

( _Later_ , he swears to himself. Later, if he is deserving of it, he will beg his friend for forgiveness. He does not care for the crown, not now, not anymore. Let Fíli be king. His nephew has paid for his birthright in blood, and he will make a better leader to their people. Thorin can dedicate the rest of his life to trying to repent. Concentrating on one task - he’s good at that. Later. 

But then Fíli dies.

And Kíli dies.

And later doesn’t come.)


End file.
